"Weigh yourself! Let's see who's the fattest!"
I think I weighed 85 pounds or so? Whatever it was, it was equal to my 2 friends that were there and thus we were all deemed "skinny" by the host.
This was the first time I realized that there was fat & skinny. I remember going home, sitting on my toilet and drawing a line down the middle of my thigh, wishing it was half the size.
Clearly, this stuck with me.
Years of yo-yo dieting, followed by extreme dieting in college (reaching my lowest weight of 124 pounds - at 5'5 and big boned, this was low). I have a clear memory of my size 4 pants being big. This was so exciting. (Now, I'm a size 8-10.) Post-college, I stayed around 135-140 and was happy there. My body was happy there. Around my wedding, I worked to get back down to 125 but my butt wouldn't budge and thus it seemed 135 was where I would stay.
Fast forward 4 years, two babies 19 months apart, 2 years of breastfeeding and my body is completely different. My whole shape has changed. I'm still adjusting to my new body - I'm learning (accepting?) that my new found wobbly parts are all thanks to carrying a 7.12 baby girl & 10.1 baby boy. I'm in awe that my body created & nourished these two perfect little humans.
But now. I've been working out for a year and noticing my body is not reacting the way I wish it would. My stomach still won't get flat. My thighs still touch. My arms jiggle more then I'm proud to admit. And this summer has been tough - I'm terrified to wear a bathing suit (let alone a bikini) despite our many trips to the beach & pool.
I don't want Layla to ever think that there is anything wrong with her body - I want her to see how proud I am of mine.
SO I'm making peace & giving myself a challenge -- a bikini challenge. On December 28th, Josh & myself along with my siblings & their husband/wives are going to Jamaica. I cannot WAIT - and I WILL wear a bikini.
SO today it begins. We have roughly 5 months and I hope to be comfortable in my own skin.
Below is a picture of myself in a bikini today. It was hard for me to take these but I really wanted to compare. Luckily for me, my amazing husband is also participating and let me take pictures of him in his bathing suit.
We both weighed ourselves and will continue this the first of the month until December (and I vow to NOT weigh myself in between).
I'm going to continue working out every other day (but increasing my work-out and trying new things!!) - I'm going to seriously get back to eating clean & healthy. I'm going to succeed.
Wish us luck as we take on our August challenge. Want to join in?? Take pictures and we'll do it together!!
This is only our first challenge - the next is MEAL PLANNING! I'll write that up tomorrow.
(I'm not putting our starting weights on here but I am keeping track and will note our weight loss)
Please excuse these pictures -- they are at 7 this morning in our bathroom while trying to keep Layla & Benny entertained ;)
I'm not giving my cheat day Fridays. I love cheese enchiladas and I'm not afraid to admit it.