A letter to my dear, sweet, wonderful boy.....
20 weeks. We made it half way. We are a team, you & I. On May 23rd - per your Dada's hunch, I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom and cried tears of joy at the thought of another little person once that second line appeared. After that moment, I realized we would have another bundle of joy in our home.
It's quite crazy how much I love you already. Although you've only been with me for a short time, I'm attached and can't imagine my life without you. I walk by your room everyday and peek inside wondering how I'll decorate it. I have an image in my head of grey walls, white furniture and navy blue accents. Cool, calm, collected. That's how I imagine you. A sweet, gentle soul with dark eyes and dark hair. I picture your sweet face and I'm reminded why I struggle everyday with being sick. The end result, that perfect baby in my arms.
We found out this morning that you will be born on January 14, 2013 via cesarean section. It sounds like a perfect date and is SO soon (just over 4 months from now). I cannot WAIT until you are here. I have no nerves about the delivery. I want you in my arms and can't wait for that morning when I stare at your face for hours upon hours.
It's been a stressful, emotional and otherwise not fun few weeks worrying and thinking about your little body. I hope and pray you are comfortable and that all the testing isn't bothering you. Sometimes during the multiple ultrasounds we've had, they press on my belly so hard and I feel like you want to scream "LEAVE ME ALONE!" - I like that about you. I hope you always have the strength and courage to speak your mind, my dear boy. We will continue to have ultrasounds and testing done to make sure everything is good, although I have now decided it WILL be good because it has to be. No matter what happens, you are our love, our baby boy, and it will be perfect.
You gained an additional ounce at the last ultrasound (last week) and I wonder if you'll grow even more when we head to CHOP on Tuesday. That will be an entire day of testing but luckily your Mom-Mom is coming with me as I'm sure it will be a long and emotionally draining day.
Although I want you here and can't wait for the sweet moments of nursing you in the dark and reading you stories, I have to admit it feels good to carry you around and know you're safe and taken care of. There's something to be said for no diaper changes and not worrying about nursing you every 2 hours ;)
The amount of love you will feel when you arrive will be intense - prepare yourself. Me, your Dada & your big sister, Layla, are SO EXCITED for your arrival. We are trying to teach Layla about you but she's still a baby herself. I know you'll be the best of friends but I apologize now if you get hit or bit along the way. It's not that she doesn't like you - that's her way of showing her love. In addition, you have EIGHT first cousins ready to meet you and play. Ava (6), Abbey (5), Justin (4), Marley (3), Max (3), Andrew (2), Remi (5 months) and Sami (4 months). They are so much fun and will ALWAYS be by your side. It's a small, exclusive group that you are lucky enough to be born into - always remember that. You are baby number 10 for our family - a very special person indeed!! You have aunts and uncles that can't wait to spoil you (Uncle Adam, Aunt Heather, Aunt Kim, Uncle Michael, Uncle Matt, Aunt Danielle & Aunt Sydney). Your grandparents are BEYOND excited and already filling your closet with gifts galore! Mom-Mom & Pop-Pop can't wait to watch you every Thursday and Grandma & Grandpa can't wait for all of our future Florida trips!! You are also BLESSED with 4 great-grandparents ready to give you kisses - Mom-Mom Millie, Mom-Mom Rose, Great-Grandma (GG) Rita & Great-Grandpa Sandy. SO very lucky, indeed. That's just the immediate family - tons of seconds cousins, great aunts and uncles, and millions more to treasure you. OF COURSE we can't forget your furry brothers, Shluffy & Rigby. As your sister has taken to chasing them around the entire house all day, everyday, I'm sure you'll follow suit and do the same.
I can't help but wonder what you'll be like. Loud and hilarious like your sister? Quiet and reserved? Will you breastfeed easily or will it take work? Will the C-Section go flawlessly? Will you like to read? Will you love to cuddle? Whatever you do, whatever you decide, just know we are ALWAYS here for you and will support you through every choice and decision.
You are our first son and you are the best surprise we've ever received.
Keep growing, baby bear.
Total weight gain/loss: In a much better place then I thought - I gained 0.6 these past 2 weeks. I'm up a total of 10.8 right now which is fine. I have 19 weeks to go. Hopefully I gained approximately 1 pound a week which would put me in the right range (25-35 pounds total).
Maternity clothes? Josh's mama's birthday gift to me is maternity shopping when she comes in September - I can't wait! I want something for when we take pictures with Oona in October and a few odds and ends for everyday wear.
Stretch marks? Bio Oil - my belly looks good but I've noticed a few light marks on my side. Blah.
Sleep: Thanks to extreme vertigo yesterday and a sore throat today, sleep has been weird. ALSO, pregnancy dreams are by far the weirdest things ever. Last night I had a dream my name was Liz and I became a teacher at my high school. What.
Best moment this week: Finding out the baby's birthday (1/14/13), hearing the heartbeat last night (in the 140s) and all the positive emails, notes and phone calls. I have an amazing circle of family and friends.
Have you told family and friends: Yes, couldn't live without them knowing.
Movement: Yes!! Lots. Right now included. I just had a small cup of hot chocolate because my office is sub-zero.
Food cravings: Not really. I guess chobani yogurt.
Anything making you queasy or sick: I was pretty bad with nausea yesterday thanks to the dizziness. UHHHHHHHHHHHHH. COME ON!
Gender prediction: He has a "pee-nas" as my niece Abbey likes to say ;)
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? In!
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: All over. Major cry-fest last night in the shower. It was a doozy.
Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your doctor - she's awesome. The appointment last night made me feel good despite learning nothing new.
Milestones: Half way cooked and we have a C-Section date!!!